Soo...I was in the card aisle at Wal-Mart. I am always unsure of how to proceed in this aisle...like a kid in a candy store or like I have a bout of the stomach flu. In some respects, the greeting card industry has stolen society’s most creative writers. I think to myself “Perfect! I will write witty lines for Hallmark for the rest of my life!” But, in every other respect, I always surmise an inability to lower myself to an association with the stupidest lines America has to offer. Nothing like paying three dollars for a picture of a mouse holding a piece of birthday cake with something tacky inside like “Have a squeak-tastic birthday!” Or, my personal favorite, a card shaped like a nail. It had a face. You open it up and it reads “I’m ready to get hammered! How ‘bout you? Happy 21st!” Oh, our society and the greeting card industry has SO much to offer...
Aside from my eye-rolling sarcasm, I was still looking for a card. I approached the “sometimes I want to send a card when you’re not having a birthday or getting married or dying” section and was stopped by a beautiful, middle-aged, black woman tooling around on a mobile shopping cart. Between you, me, and cyber space – I think she was on a joy ride (she sort of alluded to it... “Man these things are fun!”) but none the less, she too was looking at cards and she wanted to hold a conversation.
Holding up a red and black card she started laughing. Hysterically. “You know what?!” She caught her breath. “I want to get this card for him so bad,” more laughter, “but I just don’t think he would see the humor in it.” She took a deep breath in. Smiling she looked me square in the eye and said “What do you think?”
“I’m not really sure, is it a good card?”
“Oh my! So funny! Listen it says: ‘Not only would I bail you out of jail, I would be the one sitting in the cell next to you comparing notes!’” She barely got the lines out. She was laughing so hard I thought she was going to fall off of the scooter. “It’s so true! It’s the absolute truth! I would be right there with him!”
“Yeah, that’s pretty good...” I said chuckling. A little confused by this moment I was sharing, with this women I had never met, in the Wal-Mart card aisle.
“Oh my! Woah! Well it wouldn’t be so bad except he’s actually in the slammer!”
I’m afraid I might have been staring with wide eyes.
“You’d think a kid in the slammer would appreciate a card like this but he just doesn’t know what’s funny in a place like that! Aww, well! I’ll get it for him anyway!”
And so my new friend drove off in her cart, chuckling to herself, excited about her new card for the poor kid whose friend apparently was not bailing him out or sitting beside him. I sure do hope that boy in the slammer getst the joke...
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