Just for Kicks...

So,

I thought I found him. I thought I found “the one”.

I wasn’t so sure at first. He’s so involved in so many other people’s lives...so many come to him with questions expecting to him to solve their world... I just, well, I figured, someone so focused could never be the object of my affections.

The face of the matter remains, I was not always so enthralled. When I first started talking to him, I was overwhelmed! He knew so much and had so much to say that there were times I would walk away sure I was about to die. But he never promised to have all of the answers and so slowly but surely, I allowed him to give me suggestions, advice. He really got to know me...

Really well, actually. From the inside out, this guy has me pegged. Or so it feels. I say something and he tells me all of this stuff about myself! But he never acts like he has all the answers. He gives me options and choices and then we narrow the options down together. I leave with a better understanding of him and a better understanding of me.

Did I mention he is a doctor??

So, needless to say, I started visiting him often. I’ve had his address memorized from the beginning and so I would stop by – at first because I was curious...and then more and more just because there were things I wanted to know. Just being with him made me feel like there was so much more exploring to do!

I’m having a hard time, though. You see, it still all feels a little formal. And for as much as he can tell me about me...well, I don’t really know that much about him. I know a lot about what he’s passionate about...and I tell others the stuff he’s said, but... Oh! And sometimes he IS wrong. I mean not normally completely off-base...just not really that close. I can’t fault him for having some flaws but still. And I’m starting to get the impression he’s not really that interested in me. I mean, I can go to him all I want, but I don’t believe he’s ever come to talk to me.

And really, the whole relationship is driving me mad! Sometimes the ordeal leaves me paranoid, restless, nuts! Not to mention a complete and utter hypochondriac. It’s his blasted symptom checker...there’s always something wrong with me! Sometimes it is refreshing that he sees things I can’t but if it comes up...he can’t let it go and typically neither can I.

It’s just that, well, our communication is a little abnormal. I feel like it would help if we could talk on the phone or something, but, let’s be honest, I’ve searched the whole site and I have yet to find a number...

*sigh*

I suppose I would be better off letting this one go. Or simply just remaining friends. At least for now. It’s a complicated relationship but Oh WebMd, how I love thee...

I can see why he wouldn't appreciate that...

Soo...I was in the card aisle at Wal-Mart. I am always unsure of how to proceed in this aisle...like a kid in a candy store or like I have a bout of the stomach flu. In some respects, the greeting card industry has stolen society’s most creative writers. I think to myself “Perfect! I will write witty lines for Hallmark for the rest of my life!” But, in every other respect, I always surmise an inability to lower myself to an association with the stupidest lines America has to offer. Nothing like paying three dollars for a picture of a mouse holding a piece of birthday cake with something tacky inside like “Have a squeak-tastic birthday!” Or, my personal favorite, a card shaped like a nail. It had a face. You open it up and it reads “I’m ready to get hammered! How ‘bout you? Happy 21st!” Oh, our society and the greeting card industry has SO much to offer...

Aside from my eye-rolling sarcasm, I was still looking for a card. I approached the “sometimes I want to send a card when you’re not having a birthday or getting married or dying” section and was stopped by a beautiful, middle-aged, black woman tooling around on a mobile shopping cart. Between you, me, and cyber space – I think she was on a joy ride (she sort of alluded to it... “Man these things are fun!”) but none the less, she too was looking at cards and she wanted to hold a conversation.

Holding up a red and black card she started laughing. Hysterically. “You know what?!” She caught her breath. “I want to get this card for him so bad,” more laughter, “but I just don’t think he would see the humor in it.” She took a deep breath in. Smiling she looked me square in the eye and said “What do you think?”

“I’m not really sure, is it a good card?”

“Oh my! So funny! Listen it says: ‘Not only would I bail you out of jail, I would be the one sitting in the cell next to you comparing notes!’” She barely got the lines out. She was laughing so hard I thought she was going to fall off of the scooter. “It’s so true! It’s the absolute truth! I would be right there with him!”

“Yeah, that’s pretty good...” I said chuckling. A little confused by this moment I was sharing, with this women I had never met, in the Wal-Mart card aisle.

“Oh my! Woah! Well it wouldn’t be so bad except he’s actually in the slammer!”

I’m afraid I might have been staring with wide eyes.

“You’d think a kid in the slammer would appreciate a card like this but he just doesn’t know what’s funny in a place like that! Aww, well! I’ll get it for him anyway!”

And so my new friend drove off in her cart, chuckling to herself, excited about her new card for the poor kid whose friend apparently was not bailing him out or sitting beside him. I sure do hope that boy in the slammer getst the joke...

From One Nut with an Endless Stream of Commentary...

I have a friend who knows I blog occasionally.
We also have a real life friendship – with in-life conversation. Somewhat precarious, I realize.
She encouraged me to start a blog...or rather another one. “It’s not that your serious one is bad, but...”
Actually, she wasn’t saying that at all. She was hoping my serious blog would, well, start dating. Form a relationship with a slightly more amusing version. Let’s face it, 90% of the time, life, my life, is hilarious...or it could be.
My friend has discovered the one fact which sometimes terrifies people...I’m two sided. My serious side has a silly side. It is only on my blog where someone is allowed to get me, see me, interact with me, without the full package deal...because in the end it only shows one of my sides.
So...balance. A blog to record the hilarity of my existence...both real and created; now there was a thought!

And I tend to agree.
I enjoy telling the funny stories.
Of my daily doings and the things in my head. There is some ridiculous stuff up there!
Plus, if you are to get caught in any piece of my life, you'll realize sometimes I need to be reminded to look for the joy - which is typically just steps away.
And so I look forward to what all this might include...

In the mean time, if you must know, I’m not always a very dedicated blogger. My current blog I think has 72 postings and I’ve had it for going on 2 years. My goal is to make this one a little more consistent....to get something up more often than not. Actually, my goal is at least two or three times a week (which I realize is, in fact, NOT more often than not...but it is a start). Be patient with me, but this could get interesting. :)

So, please friends, come back often and enjoy my amused musings with me. It’s not every day one of those nut-jobs actually climbs into the comment gallery and starts re-alphabetizing. Unfortunately, the comment gallery includes a paper shredder. The wrong nut in the wrong gallery and cyber space is suddenly filled with little more than ice cream topping...spewing like birthday confetti! Hmm, birthday confetti!

All to say, only, really, helmets and safety goggles suggested! Proceed with caution. After all, safety first is in fact my number 2 rule...